Monday, July 18, 2005
What is Stopping Me From Killing Myself Right Now?
it's been exactly a month since i've blogged, sometimes there are really so much to say but u just find it so difficult to type everything down
perhaps one of the lessons which have left me with the deepest impression would be a sociology class which i had not too long ago... the tutor was trying to explain about why individuals behave in a certain way and not another... so he started to write down the statement "what’s stopping you from killing urself right now"
my initial answer would be pain, not knowing where I would go after I die and "having to actually find a knife and stab myself is really troublesome"
but then he started to write several key-words next to his statement which brought about another perspective... words like "family", "friends", "beer" and "love" started to appear... he himself started to circle the words which meant the most to him and he had a BOLD circle over love
as for myself, if I would to do the exercise right now, I don't really know what words to choose
i'm not really close to my family and yes, I know my parents have put in so much in bringing me up, but sometimes all I want is just a hug from dad or for my mom to hold my hand
as for friends, i've seen more then my fair share of friends coming and going and betrayals... friends really are only human beings and they let you down sometime or another
perhaps music can be put into consideration, how it affects my emotions.. but really, what good are your emotions when die?
as for love, well don’t even go there...
what's stopping me from killing myself right now? i've actually experienced what it is like for someone you know to commit suicide... my classmate just killed herself not too long ago and the devastation it brought to her family was immense and i would not wish that on my family, it would simply be too unfair for them to have put in so much to bring up a kid and have it all put to waste
but really, selfish as it may sound, should i embrace death, the world as i know it will cease to exists along with any feelings or sadness or guilt so that really ain’t a big factor if u see it from that perspective
so really, what is it?
stating my rights at 8:46 AM
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