stating my rights at 12:34 AM
Sunday, April 10, 2005
conflict conflake ii
wow amazing... it's been such a long time since someone used my tagboard *hint hint*. but now that someone has, she has written some pretty interesting (and relevant) stuff. thanks for the feedback.
so let's put this down as a regular entry before people start flooding the tagboard (and we now how highly probable that is) and what she wrote gets pushed down to oblivion.
-jOy-: well.coflicts happen to be my proj topic.so i had to say my peace(pun intended). -jOy-: but i wld agree on thrashing out in most situations -jOy-: well.there's 5 approaches to resolving conflicts. 1.accomodating 2.avoiding 3.problem solving 4.dominating 5.compromising so..actually.there's no one best way to resolve. it'situational.
besides point 2, which i would highly not recommend (read previous post), every other point mentioned needs both parties to communicate (at least) to be effective
point 1, to be accomodating would mean that you would either have to have a very high level of tolerance (very rare in human beings) or crudely put, you're just gonna suck everything up. and we all knows wat happens to balloons (and condoms) when u continuously pump them up with air.
point 3, problem solving requires you to know the problem in the first place. how 2 know the problem by not communicating?
point 4, you can probably dominate another person just by actions and not words, so this is probably still up for debate.
point 5, which is the goal i try to attain to deal with every conflict, surely requires communication. compromising is for both parties to so called "each take a step back" and accepting each other's opinions. communication surely needed for this one.
so i'm just saying it's there's a problem, talk about it, no point ignoring it or hiding it from the other person, hoping that it will go away.
because in most cases, it will not.
stating my rights at 4:43 PM
conflict conflake
i think ppl really need to talk and communicate more, more so when there is an issue or a problem to solve. different ppl handle conflict differently. some try to avoid it totally by not talking abt it while other ppl (like me) want to solve it ASAP or at least know what's going on. granted that "some things are best left unsaid", but this certainly does not apply to everything. running from a problem doesn't solve the problem.
while i can't possibly change everybody's mind about thrashing things out, i strongly feel it's one of (if not the best) way of solving a conflict, when all the cards are laid on the table. i've learnt that some ppl can be a bit too unrealistic. for example, u may be angry at someone and that's alright but the problem really comes when the other person doesn't even know what you are angry abt. people cant read your mind. and just because you're angry with that person, you start to avoid/ignore/curse him/her behind his/her back ===> but all these 1) do not solve the problem at hand 2) the person may not even know what you are angry about 3) you make things unnecessarily awkward which makes talking abt the issue at hand even more difficult. so if u do have a problem with something, do talk about it. maybe not today or the next or the day after day, but do it sometime soon before it gets too big
yes, i do believe in a cooling off period and i know people do think more clearly and talk more rationally once both sides are given some time to calm down, thus i do not advocate addressing the conflict immediately or soon after it happens. but surely something is wrong when u let it drag for weeks or months, if at all that it is mentioned.
some conflicts perhaps are difficult to solve or may even seem impossible to do so, especially it's been talked about some many times. but surely you don't give up on things just because it gets a bit diffcult. and though it may sound repetitive or even irritating, i feel it's always good to talk about things.
a related issue is honesty. while tact may be important, in that you have to choose your words carefully, the essence of what is really going on should not be covered up or ignored. i would rather deal with a person who is blunt than a person who makes everything seem ok on the surface but yet sweeps everything under the carpet, only to have me uncover the carpet later when everything under it starts to pile up. and very much often than not, i do find the carpet. call it my sixth sense, but i tend to find these things (even though i don't really want to) fairly easily. that perhaps is the pro (but i feel more like a con) of being a sensitive person. sometimes overly sensitive i have to admit.
not really referring to anybody in particular really because surely more than 50% of the people who know me and has read this would think that i'm referring to them. but do believe me when i say this isn't personal.
but the issue of "how YOU deal with conflict" is surely something worth reflecting about. and yes this time i'm referring to YOU staring at the screen.
stating my rights at 5:39 AM
Sunday, April 03, 2005
gone too soon...
just read in the news today that the lady i've been writing abt in my past few entries, terri, has passed away... this is really quite sad news becos her life ended under very painful conditions... but let's not tok abt that...
my wish for her is that she has moved on to a better place...
stating my rights at 3:56 AM
<-- Anep -->
and so it begins
__current music__
[]want you bad - the offspring[]
:: the dictator
name: ronald lee
aka: conditionred
email: conditionred@gmail.com
:: current recommended songs "sugar we're going down" - fall out boy
"down to my last" - alter bridge
"dani california" - red hot chilli peppers
"open your eyes" - alter bridge
"gravity" - embrace
